I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
sunnuntai, toukokuuta 23, 2004
...why...
its still morning and i can't get that thing out of my head...i woke up this morning...a vivid dream...it was scary...and i mean, really scary...i dreamt this weird dream (as usual)...but this time, the dream made me so confused...i dreamt that i got married...yup, married...how odd is that...anyways, if it were married to someone i don't know, i'd accept it...but i got married to a friend of mine...a great friend...i never never thught i would dream abt that...i wonder, really i wonder why i had that dream...and though i know that i have no feelings whatsoever for this person...i wonder if this dream meant something...i find it scary bcos of the previous experiences with weird dreams...
why you? of all ppl...my dream was like this...it started from the engagement...a simple ring..a promise...my dream was so vivid...we talked..exactly how we talk when we are together now...with me listening to you...and then you listening to me, and giving some advice...well...we were together...an earthquake...we hit the floor...just below the table...and we huddles...you were sheltering me protectively against the bits and pieces that were flying...tremors stop...and i looked up and you were crying..."i nearly lost you"...hugged me...i already was confused from that point onward...as i was dreaming, i was so confused...why you, my friend...and not someone else? the one i really really care abt in that manner? and to think that i once hated you...for what you said to me...what you said to me abt my abangism...i hated you for that once...then now...i really wonder why it turned out this way...
i'm really really confused...i don't know what to think...i'm going bonkers...
5/23/2004 04:12:00 ap.