I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
lauantaina, toukokuuta 01, 2004
..utopia...
currently reading scarlet pimpernel...nice...and alot that proves that this world is so imperfect...dreams are for the foolish...the follish who believe that the world will be what they wish it to be im the end...utopia...yea right...hell is more perfect than the place that these starry eyes dreamers believe will be utopia...foolishness...
went to AK house...she wasn't there however...but AF and AR were...along with MZ and NZ...SA was there...but her bro's and UZ went to the mosque...some things to settle there...did nothing much but watch TV...actually wanted to go somewhere else to roam...but didn't work out...as per normal, my mum insisted on having her own way...whatever...
this row...made our house sandy...bcos he had to go and track sand all over the floor...and then she ended up sweeping it grumpily...so i think the row is going to drag longer...oh great...even more to look forward to...more sarcasm...oh wow...what a great life i have..
apologized to kor...no reaction...waiting for reply...hope you forgive me...i truly am sorry...hope you forgive me...
feeling bitter...very very bitter...i wonder why i bother abt anything anymore...abt life...abt pretending...oh yes...i remember why...bcos of friends...but you know what...i think that my friends have forgotten how difficult it is to put up this act...and then when they find out that i am putting up and act...oh wow...suddenly, i'm in the wrong...hiding what i feel...so what if i do...so many of you i call friends do the same thing...do you think i like pretending? do you think i like being someone i'm not? its so much easier for me to go ahead and take my anger out on every single one of you...to make you feel so bad bcos you know me...but guess what...i dont...one, bcos i love you...two, bcos i don;t think its fair to...and three, bcos when i show the slightest bit of anger towards anyone, i get accused of taking my anger out on you...nono...this is not a result of what happened today...or last night...or in the past few days...this is a result of the many years that i decided to love my friends...whatever...it seems this love is unappreciated...you've been patient with me? guess what...i've been even more patient with so many others...including you...so don't think handling me is a a difficult task...imagine the amount of ppl and secrets that i handle...none i've betrayed so far...i ask you now...who's the patient one?
this whole big mess sucks...i'm usually a messy person...now, i'm messier...oh wow...look what more i have to clean up...myself...plus this big mess...i don't care...i think i should just leave it be this time...i'm tired of cleaning up already...
can't sleep...whatever...so many things in my head that are refusing me sleep that i need...as usual...
5/01/2004 04:42:00 ip.