I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
keskiviikkona, toukokuuta 26, 2004
...trust...
trust is such a fragile thing...maybe thats why i can't talk to everyone about everything...i heavily depend on the two i care for alot, abangism and kor...and the one i care most for who is like away now...i can't tell everything as well...to my dearest RN and OKE...i can't tell anything either...bcos alot of things will be viewed differently...and besides, i believe they have their own problems to settle...so i leave them be...to the two who have been there for me, rambu and master...i thank them heartily...bcos they take turns to cover for abangism when they know he is busy...and its been a real comfort...so trust? no, i have never trusted anyone fully...in fact, each person has been told something, and not been told something else...and so the 5, abang, master, rambu, kor and lonesome, each know a different part of me personally...
yet someone among this five...has given me, and shown to me...that they trust me entirely...trust me to be there, to listen and to keep mum when required...and i really wonder as to how i managed to earn this trust...for one, i know this person does not trust ppl easily...and it takes a long time to earn his trust...and i also know that i have been there...i remember i hated this person once...yet no, i feel at a loss...the same people who don't trust me with my own life are confident when it comes to trusting me to not hurt them when i'm confided in...scary
so trust...that one most precious thing that a friend can give you...almost the equivalent of placing their entire heart in your hands....i'm touched...yet, i don't really know how to approach this...am i really trustworthy?
5/26/2004 01:39:00 ip.