I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
torstaina, toukokuuta 20, 2004
...smiles...
i cry than smiled genuiely...in less than half an hour...bcos of what? abangism of course...darn...abangism always makes me do that...heart shatter..then try to mend it...and then it shatters again...mood fluctuates...and then a ray of hope appears...sometimes, the darkness in the glass ball overshadows it...but the light pierces the darkness so keenly...like a sword piercing the heart of its bearer's enemy...
lonesome...you carry that light as well...but i'm sorry to say, i'm afraid to be totally honest with you...so your light is sligthly dimmer...but still it touches my heart...for your light is so much warmer...and its warmth heats up the cold...and i stay warmer a little more everytime we talk...warmth means so much to me you can't imagine...
results...discouraging...quite satisfied with Eng...i nearly, by 0.5, nearly touched a 40 mark...still...i wish to touch 45...maybe, just maybe, that 50 mark...let me, pls just let me...
will end up with lotsa Bs this term...a maths...didn't even reach 25%...i think its better that i concentrate on E maths now...its my safest bet...then really pull up my bio and humanities...its impt...and the rest can be A2...besides Chem and A maths of course...whatever it is, am now concentrating on clearing the MT exams...
just back from the library...met up with a friend also...talked some...walked there and back and was a bit late...sigh...i think, and think, and think...and the more i think, the more i think that i am thinking too much...then i continue thinking abt all the things i've done wrong...this is just ridiculous...
night air was cool...walk was nice...park was dark...abit scary bcos of the darkness and te incidents before...but i made it by walking extra fast...scary i guess...somehow i just wish that i was walking with my bestest friend lonesome...not here...so far away...
deals...abangism made a super good one for him...and perhaps a bad one for me...my plan B is off...but anything so that ppl don't give up...don't lose hope yea...i'd be so lost...as mushy as it sounds, its true...just as lost as i would be if lonesome gave me the cold shoulder...and left me alone...i pray that never happens...
i'm in no mood for anything but brooding...as per normal i guess...i wonder if i think enough sometimes...and i wonder if i think too much...i dunno at all...i'm getting a headache just trying to bother...
been cranky the past few days...if you see me that way...its bcos i'm really really hot and bothered...so yea, don't ask me too many questions, i'll feel irritated...and don't expect me to do anything for you guys if i don't offer to do...so yea, if i'm cranky and you do...i'll blow...this is a red alert...just leave me to be in silence when we are together guys...like oke...thanks darls...its nice of you...nv ask too many questions...i guess i'm fed up aft that one week of ans questions...
going to spend the night brooding now...no sleep for me...nope...i'll prolly end up singing on my bed...nitez...
5/20/2004 10:50:00 ap.