I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, toukokuuta 04, 2004
...sigh...
sick of you...yes you...i thought that i was the one who was the whiner...at least when i whine i try to do something abt it...you, you whine and whine and whine and don't do anything abt it...sick of you...really...the way you speak to me...the way you address me...you don't know me though you claim you do...yea right...every word you say shows that you are whining...even when you are angry...i know, when i got angry that i at least take care not to take my anger out on anyone...so what if i hurt myself in the process...i'm used to it...but you? taking your anger out on me really turns me off...sick of it...of your nagging...of getting scolded by you...of all people...please lah, think abt me for awhile...i too have a rep to keep...so stop your nonsense...fed up...i feel just like asking you to f*** off when you open your mouth...you don't want to see me pissed at you, this i warn you...watch your words...and keep those hands of yours to yourself...stop touching me...i hate it...really...
i'm so bloody pissed...at you...at today's "is your story original?" saga this morning...like duh, it is...i write my own stories...face that...i don't plagiarise and do NOT memorize other stories, take an extract, and then write it as my own...thats just wrong...i take pride in my work bcos it happens to be my creation, my baby...so my stories are original...and though they don't SEEM personal to you...they are to me...in an indirect way...bcos i refuse to reveal anything personal anymore...its too dangerous...so DON'T tell me that my story was not original...so it was flawless...so what? aren't all my essays flawless? crap..utter crap...
was sent to sessions again today...i did nothing there..gave vague single words ans to every question...in the end was released aft half an hour...sessions do not work...fed up...
prac coming up tml...going to play for TSH's prac as accompanist...so thats okay...used to it already...
very fed up...sick of the stupid row...
don't want to argue anymore...i might as well go do what i want to do...whether ppl like it or not...and since i have lost one means of doing what i want...i have come up with other means...this is going to be very interesting...
the forgive and forget thingie...finally made up with Abang...hehe...the pic you sent me very the sweet...really...suddenly since we made up, i'm not a slave anymore...too bad master...you can't call me by that name...you'll have to face my abang...still very touched...i would still say i was in the wrong...but in a way, i agree that i got mad at you as well..lets just forget that and move on...start afresh...
Jake: whatever you said abt The Basis...better take it back...do not judge ppl by what they say to others...it might just mean something else to the ppl they said it to...and in this case, i do understand what he means...
anger...i'm angry that i'm alive...sounds weird to others...but to me...it makes perfect sense...why am i? why should i? what the purpose? since i have totally no aim and no value to others, why bother? why do i have to be made to bother? stupid me...i actually believed a long time ago that there was still hope...i see now that that is not the case...really...
thank goodness for those arnd me that i manage my anger and seldom blow up...at most, i cry bcos i'm angry...hot tears..very common with me...and ppl assume i'm sad...sick of the assumptions, accusations, and other stupid comments i get from you guys...esp you...sick of you...get that into your head...
rambu got a pink bike...haha...
5/04/2004 11:32:00 ap.