I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
perjantaina, toukokuuta 14, 2004
...ihateyou...
you...yes you...the one over there...the tall caucasian one..yea, the one with big brown eyes...i have something to tell you...I HATE YOU...i hate the fact that you are alive...i hate you for everything you do...i hope you die soon...if you don't, i'll kill you myself...slit your throat...and laugh as the blood splatters all over me...it feels good...i'll grab you by your brown hair and bash your head in...hit it over and over on the corner of the wall there...see those blood stains? they're yours...like them? the colour crimson...isn't that your favourite colour? how bout a baseball bat...i'll hit you over and over till you pass out because of the pain...make sure you bleed...you aren't bleeding enough anymore...you used to...i hate it that you don't anymore...i hate that stupid lip smile you have...your eyes are so dull...forever drowned by tears...no sparkle in them when you smile or laugh...i hate the fact that you are around me...i will get rid of you...just you wait...this is seriously fun...to get rid of you...slay you...kill you...murder...a vicious crime...but oh no, i won't be caught...not alive i wont...there is no way i will...bcos i'm part of you...i am you...don't you get it? there is no way you can hide...you can't run...no escape for you my dearest...because i will always haunt you...even up to the point where death smiles and embraces you like an old friend...when your body goes limp...when you cease to breathe...stop thinking...there is no way to escape me...no way out...i hate you...and in the process, i hate myself as well...for we are one and the same...lets do something together shall we? ever heard of being adventurous? lets do some diving one day...or maybe some bunjee jumping...oh, i remember, we don't have the bunjee cord...wow...that will be interesting...do you love me my dearest? as much as i hate you? you don't now, do you? i told you...we are one and the same...i'll kill you...and you'll kill me...we're quits...even...lets start from today onward...loathing is great...i hate that we are living...lets do something new...lets try...let me see...does death sound too scary for you? no? great minds think alike...our hearts beat as one...and we'll stop beating together...we bleed...we scream...do they hear us? do you hear me? i know you do, my dearest...but you scream with me...can the outside hear us? do they see us? no my dearest...we do the excellent cover job...lets continue...no fooling one of them...we cherish the abangism too much...but the rest...thats a different story...lets do this together...hand in hand...till death do is part...
5/14/2004 02:10:00 ip.