I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
maanantaina, toukokuuta 17, 2004
...happening...
went "happening" aft bio paper today...brought my phy textbook along...as well as the wb...was like a nerd lor...study at orchard road...was quite fun...bcos in the end i ended up laughing...but i know now how to derive that formula...haiz...been sometime since i saw my kor...nice seeing you again...and i wore pink...ee...disgusting...but since it was on short notice, well, i had to...no other clothes to wear...
angry angry angry...
have a feeling that someone is avoiding me...i wonder why...how come...what did i do wrong...i mean, i really did not do anything, so i wonder whats up...maybe, just maybe...but no, that's like impossible...wish to see that person soon...hopefully, i'm wrong..
stupidstupidstupidstupid
i hate living...monotonous...on and on it drags...time is a merciless painter...it only spoils whatever that is unspoilt so far...and spoils everything by introducing something new...this bitez...really...why do i bother, i really wonder sometimes...i wonder why i don't do something for myself once in awhile...why i care so much to try help and make others happy...and then they totally don't appreciate it...and its like...i do something, without asking for anything...maybe a smile once in while...bcos these ppl i try to help...to be nice to...they aren't nice to me at all...i wonder why i care for these ppl...why don't i just focus on caring for ppl who really really care like abangism, and kor...why should i bother abt the rest?
i was told i was different in a bad way today...i mean...isn't it because you are different that you are special? more unique? so now since i'm different, i'm considered as a freak...i can't help being different...i still don't get it...whats so bad abt being different?
i'm right here waiting...
for the dawn to turn to dusk...
every minute seems like and hour...
waiting an hour seems like waiting for life to pass
the sun is rising...
its way up overhead...
the heat is unbearable
the light blinds me
the sun does not care
it carries on its course
from the east to west
the day grinds forever on and on
i close my eyes
awaiting the cool dark night
but when i open them,
we aren't even half way through
how can i rush the day?
to make my hands feel like ice?
there is a way
a road...
not taken by many
i wish to, my dear
but i stop, and wait for you
for though i'm far ahead
i can't bear to leave you behind
lets walk together
hand in hand
i'll fan you and you fan me...
but where have you gone my friend?
away...to retreat without me
and so i will walk this dark path alone
with all pains, a full burden
for you care not for me anymore...
5/17/2004 11:43:00 ap.