I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
torstaina, toukokuuta 27, 2004
h e a r t w r e n c h i n g
it was real heart wrenching...hearing that same song again...aft another song...a dedication frm that certain sch...to a person the girl fell in love with...same name...its too much...so many things that coincide...and same school...and also since something's been up...next song aft that dedication that practically shattered my heart was "reason"...guessed it, tears...esp after the fatigue...and that stupid incident today about the titration...school has no sense...stupid stupid stupid...and then this...too much to take right now...
the lyrics...my...i also recall hearing that the first i did something...and also the same night that the strange twist occurred...i wonder...coincidence? too much so...how...everything is so confusing...
still striving for perfection though...erm, i know what perfection is to me...and well, some person doesn't know what perfection means to me...but still on that topic...perfection...yup...still looking for it...its ironic that a song like reason made me cry...esp when it starts like this...
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
don't wish to carry on...only cause too many tears...guess bcos it brings back too many memories...i knew how it felt when you told me abt your plight friend...and now, i'm going through it again...like a nightmare playing itself over
my soul has been surrounded by a darkness
a fog so thick i can't see through
your light that was so warm before
is gone
and left me in the cold rain
the cold penetrates my being
and chills me through
right to my bones
and now to my heart
like paper,
i was torn into forty million pieces
left to the ravaging wind
howling like a hungry wolf
whispering harsh words into my heart
i fly into different directions
without direction
thats what i was and am now
an aimless soul
wandering,
without knowing where to go
in this darkness where i can't see
beyond the tip of my nose
how will i go on
anymore without knowing
where the shore lies
without my lighthouse
m y h e a r t w a s b r o k e n i n t o a m i l l i o n p i e c e s
5/27/2004 01:44:00 ip.