I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
sunnuntaina, toukokuuta 09, 2004
...baking...
woke early to bake a cake...one for mummy, which was humongous...and one for eric...love baking *weee*...in the end, both came out nice...and i had no help at all...like duh...haha...was fun...
but of course, like i said...there was a silver lining to this dark cloud...the lightning that struck...freaking row...the storm didn't simmer down, it just got tired out...and then it started to brew again...and now its back with a vengeance...i can't take this anymore...i'm going bonkers...i'm going to put my plan into action tonight...yes, tonight...its earlier than expected, but i'm getting sick of everything...i'm also getting tired of everything...so sick+tired=give up...means plan B into action tonight...i'm glad no one knows what i'm up to...
argh stupid row spoilt last night...was supposed to be a good one...cos i managed to chat with "lonesome" for half hour...finally online...and bcos of everything, lonesome got the worst of it...yea, me and my talk again...so well, i stopped myself before i could go further...and well, lonesome told me that it was a bad day also...so well...we just fell to talking abt other stuff...had a nice night bcos of you....twas sweet and soo good to talk to you again...didn't feel like letting go, but we had to...sigh...i wish...
stupid stupid stupid me...yes...still very frustrated...i feel funny like...but i promised, i promised...bsides, i have a plan up my sleeve...will not talk...will be silent...i don't want to spoil anything...its the exam period...its stressful...its Mothers' Day...i'm NOT going to be the spoiler...the extra burden...the one who adds the extra stress and pressure...not during this time...so sorry abang, i have to be silent during this time and take the blow myself...have to let you concentrate on your exams...so if i get hurt...and i cry...don't be upset...just do your best for the papers...please...its all i ask...anything aft the exam, then i might speak...but now i'm too distraught...
look forward to more jumpiness and hyperness in the next week...will try to smile properly...if i don't make it, its not my fault...i can't lie with my eyes...i'm a horrible liar if you look in my eyes...maybe thats why i'm afraid of ppls gazes...particularly abang's which made me cry...and also A's which also freaks abang out...so there...i guess i've found out why i'm afraid...bcos i also have a habit of looking at ppls eyes when i speak...the window to your soul...and i'm afraid ppl will look at my soul and be hurt...that is why...
i shall be silent now...it seems the safest bet...
5/09/2004 03:44:00 ap.