I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
torstaina, huhtikuuta 15, 2004
...winter shadows...
it feels as if i'm in the shadows...or more like a dark winter...everything's happening around me...i see all there is to see...but do people see me...or is it too dark...its so cold here...and so warm around...yet, the heat and light cannot penetrate...and strangely...the cold dark silence has actually become my friend...because well...i just find the light too bright, the warmth too warm...and the sounds too noisy...i dunno anything...i dunno how to let anything enter...to allow people to see me...i'm afraid...because its too dangerous...i revealed myself once before...and look at the consequences...and now that i'm back in this place...behind my mask once more...i'm determined not to let my guard down anymore...
my knee still hurts but the bandage is off....and the swelling's subsided...and the wounds shrunk...but its not healed yet...and it will take some time i know...its painfully tedious to go up and down the stairs to class and down to the canteen...esp since i can't lift my foot very much...and i can't bend it more than ninety degrees either, which means i'm still stuck sitting at the back while me frenz sit at the ps...and that also means sitting behind A...which means i'm really uncomfy now...
its getting more scary...esp today...another apple encounter...shan't elaborate...its still too scary now...
i feel funny...yes funny...and i know that now that you know that only you and no one else knows abt this...that you are going to be upset...erm...if that didn't make sense, too bad...it will only make sense to one person...
a funny feeling...how do you satisfy youself so that it goes away...only one way...and i'm doing it...interesting...
4/15/2004 09:40:00 ap.