I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
sunnuntai, huhtikuuta 18, 2004
...satisfaction...
i laughed and smiled genuinely yesterday...it wasn't a fake one at last...and i did so because i have an elder bro now...my dearest ChayKer/Evan/JunWoo...haha...so many names sia...we had a looong chat last night...and well...it sorta resulted because of so many things that has been happening...his probs...and my probs...so as a friend, i wanted to help him pull through all his rough patches...particularly the current one...so i asked him if he'd accept me as as a younger sis...and he said yes...so i smiled...then he told me that as a younger sis, i'd have to do EVERYTHING he says...which means bully of course...so i laughed...very interesting...
still, the pain hasn't subsided somehow...it was just that one moment last night, when i forgot all the pain inside and let go...a merry sound i must say...and after that, when i had to leave...i turned and realised...i'm still where i was before...that the laugh and smiles had not changed anything...so i wonder, why should i laugh genuinely...or give genuine smiles to people...because, it seems, it doesn't change anything...and everything will still be the same...it still hurts...and thats still a fact...
the performance on tues...i can't bear the night show...facing the crowd, knowing that A will be in it...watching...and i can't see where A is...and it will feel so uncomfy...darn...but at least, isi, aiti and kalle will be there...fer hose who don't know...isi=father, aiti=mother and kalle is my bro's name...lonesome won't be there though...sigh...but the thought of performing makes my heart beat oh so much faster...not because i'm nervous...but because i love it so...and well...nothing beats that feeling when you stand before the audience, knowing that they don't know what surprises might be ahead...and also afterwards, knowing that you did the best...breathlessness...the blissful feeling after performing...love it soo much..
surprises, suprises..for my seniors...one who is still in school...and the others who have graduated...for that one senior...you'll just have to wait and see...because...well...its for you and you only...and i'm going to hunt today to make the surprise happen..you dunno what's coming your way...oh no...for the other seniors, your surprise is coming up on tues...i don't think you'll expect that we'll do whatever we do...
a satisfaction within...to see a smile on your face once more...to hear your voice...to hear your merry laughter, clear as silver bells ringing...you are the friend i used to know again...smile...and my heart will smile with you...
4/18/2004 01:55:00 ap.