I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
maanantaina, huhtikuuta 26, 2004
...sadness...
today was an interesting day...
1. abang and master BOTH didn't come (play too much together the night before...wonder what they were doing the whole of today together..)
2. helped rambu aft having a brief conversation with him in the morning...first time, quite fun also...
3. lessons were light, and we learned how to gamble...no remedials also...
4.had A encounter, this time close...but no fear...ignored the person...so that was fine...
5. helped out for oral...timing that is...meaning i spent my aftnoon in the cold hall...
6. effendi's bdae was yesterday, and so i wished him happy bdae today...
7.chem test...flunked it...confirmed...
8.JaE is back...loadsa hugs...and a get well pressie...love you loads...
9.someone has some probs...matters of the heart...i love you dearie...you made me cry with you today...and i always will cry with you when you need me to...
10.fit told me i look better when i smile...very interesting...didn't think that was the case...
so...10 different and new things about today (excluding the chem test)...but still no difference in the way i feel...sure, i may not be "funny" as per normal due to certain circumstances...mainly my kor and my abang and rambu....but still the feelings are the same...and after seeing Jae today, and my other friend's probs, i'm even more convinced that this world is not worth living in...ppl tell me that well...there is some good left in this world...but i'm sorry i just don't see it...and furthermore, i don't see any good in me...so the point? i don't like me...i don't like this world...i don't like life...and there seems nothing that i can do about it...means i will go nuts and be depressed very soon...since i can't solve what i need to solve...
...i feel like an old soul trapped in the body of a 16 yr old...
4/26/2004 10:18:00 ap.