I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
lauantaina, huhtikuuta 17, 2004
...lost...
i'm lost...or rather, i have lost...i feel from the ladder of life once more...i did try Eric, and you saw me try...you were there as you promised...but even you couldn't stop me from falling from the ladder...and i fell and hit the ground hard...i shall never climb that ladder again...and i don't know if you'll be able to persuade me to...
jae's been warded...thank you to Nadia (Dee) for telling me the latest on her conditions...at least i know she's in safe hands...now all i have to do is pray for her...
"confusion"...i thought it was over...but it wasn't and you are confused once more...its funny...the things you've done to me could have caused me to hate anyone else who even tries to do the same...yet i forgive you so often...now please don't be confused again...you'll make me drown in my pool of tears...tears for you...please, don't make it harder than it already is...
it's so cold in this place without you friend
now you are lost in the cold winter's night
you disappeared into the darkness
and I stumble through the snow
hoarse and cracked my voice sounds
barely audible in the tumult around
calling, calling
with silence in reply
my eyes sting
blinded by the storm around me
yet i persevere to find you
my tears turn to ice upon my cheeks
the cold cuts through me like a knife
silent eyes watching menacingly
waiting for the perfect opportunity
and i worry endlessly for you
wondering whether the sun will ever rise again
a ray of light from heaven above
to melt the cold hard knot within you
let me know you again
you hide you hide
and i can't find you
my knees are buckling
i lie in the softness around
snow like feathers
falling from the sky above
settle softly upon me
i sleep quietly forevermore
dreaming
waiting
hoping in vain
for my friend to wake me...
4/17/2004 08:35:00 ap.