I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
sunnuntai, huhtikuuta 11, 2004
...fear factor...
yes...the photo just appeared...i'm crying now...yes i am...bcos i din expect to see that person...no...not online...scaryscary...yeayea...call me a fraid cat...but it seems i just can't get over this fear for this person...i mean...who can blame me...he even
looks scary...but it seems others dun share my view...oh darn...
oh shucks..i hate fearing someone for no reason...
the day is drawing near...i remember last yr, arnd this time...me and that person were still good friends...in fact, we could be considered best of friends...and just because of that one night...everything changed...he avoided me...i dunno...i still feel hurt...that it was partly my fault...and also because i didn't tell him what i was feeling...and it caused us to drift apart...because of misunderstandings...and i couldn't salvage our friendship...reflections...*bites lip*
confusion...do you ever notice me...i mean, i'm sure you do notice me to some extent...i remember the kindness and the care i saw in your eyes the last time we met...but...do you remember me even when are in a bad mood...do you remember that i am arnd for you when you are feeling so down...that i'll be there to give you anything you needed that i could...and even if i couldn't...i'd stay quiet by your side...listen to you...give you a hug...cry with you...love you...like i will always do...confusion...when you are so confused...do you not think i will feel confused as well...if you do not reveal to me what is the problem...that i will hurt if you hurt...and it will hurt worse for me...cos i love you more than i love myself? do you...tell me...you do...really...
Saw the loneliness in you
Wanna help you give you love
Shine some light out from the mud
Fill the empty find a rhyme
A brighter day a better time
but I'm wondering where I'm gone
Can't find the truth within my song
And all I have I'll give to you
To let you know you're not alone
I'm telling you:
I'm smiling for you only
I'm trying for you only
I'm praying for you only
No more cry, no more cry
I wanna hear you laugh again
Without the ache to bring you down
If only I could take your pain
One day soon we'll meet again
4/11/2004 07:57:00 ap.