I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, huhtikuuta 13, 2004
...falling...
yep..i fell...AGAIN...and am injured quite teruk-ly i might add...the fourth time, and also in the fourth year or my life in PRCS...and i have such a fall each year...yes...each year...and i thought that now i'm 16, i wouldn't be so clumsy...WRONG...in fact, its the third time i fell this week...just that the previous two times i din injure myself so badly...just a bruise here and there...but now..haiz...i wonder how i'll cope the rest of the week...that is...if i'm around to cope in the ferz place...
sessions today...and i'm finally FREE...yes...no more sessions for me...why...because i requested it...thank you to my friend...i decline to mention the name of this person...for accompanying me today...and supporting me with your presence...yes...it made whatever i needed to say easier to say...
still pining...for confusion that is...i never know what confusion's true feelings are...hot one moment...cold the next...loves me one day...hates me another day...does confusion know how much i care...obviously not...i hope confusion knows...bcos well...i've hid it for so long, so as not to damage anything...and so that things will be smooth sailing for confusion...and also so that confusion didn't get the wrong idea...but now...that i know that confusion is so lost...then well...i want to lead confusion out of that maze...to make the confused unconfused...is there such a word...oh nvm...
i feel relieved bcos of the end of sessions...but i don't feel relieved bcos i'm back at square one...and yes...i'm funny again...so whatever you wanna do abt it...well...i don;t think there is anything that you can do...and i make sure...that before you do anything...i do something abt it...yea...i aint no fool...so don't think you can fool me...
how do I love yourself...if there is no one to love me for who I am?
4/13/2004 11:36:00 ap.