I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
perjantaina, huhtikuuta 30, 2004
...disappointment...
eng paper 1 today...wrote about love...i was the guy...crazy stuff...then mock exan MT...and straight after was oral exam...that was fine...a bit short by my standards, but i think i should pass...don't know abt A1 though...must do well...or i don't think i have enough in me to carry on with Eng...
fed up with the way they run the school..every teacher is so concerned abt their own subject...that we get As for their subject...that they forget we have other subjects to study...its easy for you to say that we need to score well for Chem...or get an A1 or 2 for MT...it aint easy when we need to study 9 subjects at a time...this just bites...
particularly upset with the person who is not so near...but wont speak and can't speak...blame me...don't blame your self...what is the point to do so? upsets me even more...
the "my key" incident was told to everyone i could tell...made them laugh..at least i put a smile on other's faces...
apple encounters...left right centre...recess...aft school...more than usual...i feel like not caring...but i can't help but care when i feel afraid...so i make use of the time trying to burn holes into his back when his back is facing me...by staring as hard as i can...since i can't hold his gaze...
love...what a topic for me to write...talking abt it makes me remember the flowers that i put out to dry...roses to be exact...and they were actually the gift frm my father to my mum on their wedding annivesary...whatever...
and that reminds me of the huge rows going on in this bubble called home...i'm trapped inside...and i can't stop the rows...i'll be pushed aside again...as i always have been...and hurt again...and the wound inside will get larger...my heart will bleed more...and another scar will form on it...wondering why i wrote abt romantic love and not love for the family just now? bcos the love in this family is lost...i don't know whether it will be present anymore...the flowers? bogus...he bought 5...thats one thing...and on top of that...my bro had to give them to my mother...not my dad...how sickening...
i managed to get lotsa hugs today...one from nadia...and then an unexpected one from jeremy...prolly since i was teasing him everyday that he promised...okay lah...dosn't match lonesome's hug though...reminds me i owe leying a hug...must remember to give her tml...
i want to go...desperately...but i'm bound by my promise...and to the master i talked to last night...i'm relieved to see you are back to your normal self...the bouncy one...and not the one trying to match the way i speak by giving a weird example of "a bee carrying an unwanted pollen grain"...err...i didn't really get that...but i think i know what you mean...and since i can keep secrets (which i guess you know already)...you can rest assured that nothing more about the conversation will be told to anyone or anything...same goes to mr rambu...found your talk in the canteen very interesting...
smiling...its lost its meaning...so why smile? to please others...to make them smile...yet i see one...one lone stranger...who doesn't smile when i do...for he knows...he knows its an act...how does he know...can he see so much just from my eyes?
4/30/2004 10:14:00 ap.