I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
lauantaina, maaliskuuta 06, 2004
you want time...i'll give you time...you want space...i'll give you space...but not if you don't tell me what you want...every conversation has been full of one word ans...no..yes...maybe...and stop...and i try in vain to find out whats wrong...only to be told off...so what...its me again...the soft hearted fool...the one who always opens up and gets nothing in return...the one you can always run to when you have problems...but then get ignored...i've had enough...why should i even care for myself...if no one cares for me...yes...i repeat again...NO ONE...because guess what...if i am to trust one fully...i expect that i am trusted as well in return...not fully, because that may be impossible at times...but at least halfway or even more...because if that does not happen, then i might as well not open up at all...because it shows you don't care enough for me to trust me....or me to trust you...yes...NO ONE cares...
i'm fuming...i'm boiling...i'm fed up...i'm irritated...with myself...
fine, fine...its my fault...as per normal isn't it?
i saw you in school today...haha...we had a bit of fun...and talked some in a looong while...
but still it was all spoilt entirely, when i went home...
and then i'm reminded of something...
and of someone whom i'm very angry at now...
no, i don't hate you...i can't bear to...
i just heart you...
get that...because no matter how angry i can get with you...
you are still my friend and i can't bear to lose one...
so the day you actually decide to trust me...
i shan't bother about any promises i made...
they don't stand anymore...
the hole in my heart got bigger today...and its getting bigger every second...
esp when someone torments me in this way...
heck it...i'm goin to relieve myself now...in my usual manner...don't expect to see me anytime soon...
3/06/2004 12:38:00 ip.