I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
keskiviikkona, maaliskuuta 10, 2004
when will you get it...i don't THINK you won't understand...i KNOW you won't understand...so thats why i don't tell you...all you do is nag and nag and nag...you think i care anymore? I've SHUT YOU OUT...and everything you tell me has no effect anymore...too bad...
well...master asked me whats wrong today...not like i will tell him...NOT in a billion years...sorry...i can't...thanks for the concern though...that was a really rare instant...never been asked before so, well, kinda surprised...
for all those peepz out there who like to look into my eyes when we speak...STOP IT...i cannot hold your gaze...the last time someone did that i really freaked out...i freaked out so bad, the person who did it started to freak out after that....and has stopped gazing, thank goodness...
i still don't feel that its worth picking myself again...i've done so many times that i don't think its effective picking myself up anymore...so i give up, i truly do...i don't care anymore...i can't be bothered, why should i...the fact that i've tried pulling myself up so many times and failed shows that i am a failure...so why should i care anymore...
crapz, i got counselling tml...and like i said, i'm just going to keep silent...or at least not reveal anything anymore...not my feelings, not my intentions, not my plans...i'm sorry...
silence is my only true friend...
3/10/2004 10:18:00 ap.