I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
torstaina, maaliskuuta 11, 2004
tired...exhausted...dazed...confused...
i'm hanging in no where...it seems as if there is two of me...one is the me in school with ranjani and co...and there is the me when i open up...and they are two different people...one seems so confident...the other feels that hope is lost...but yet, the second me dominates so much...so much so taht i even feel that me when i put on the face...take up the role of the confident me...is it even possible? i really dont know...like an actor, when he is put in a role...yes, he understands the needs and requirements of that role, yet he still feels the real him within himself...
i put on that facade...but it aint the same anymore...and i can't figure out whether the facade isn't the same...or whether its just me that aint the same...or maybe now that ppl know that it is a facade...i aint treated the same...
whatever...michelle wanted to crash out class today...and guess what...someone tried to report her...geez...thats called trust? and i thought I had trust problems...not that i don't, just that hers are much worse...correction...ALOT worse....
trust problems...brings me back to that...i know i can trust certain ppl...but i wonder if they trust me as much as i trust them...or if they even know that i trust them...on the other hand...i was surprised to find out that certain ppl trust me alot...more than they trust their closer friends...to be trusted when i can't trust seems a heavy burden...eugene was right, and i know now since we got the same prob, rambu...how am i handle the trust that others give me if i can't even handle the trust that i'm supposed to have for them...and how are others going to handle the trust i have towards them, if they hesitate to trust me....
i'm in a daze...i need to think...not too much, i promise, but just enough to try understand...
3/11/2004 11:49:00 ap.