I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
torstaina, maaliskuuta 25, 2004
self hatred
I hate myself because...
I'm a failure.
I'm different
I never know how to handle myself
I'm a burden to others
I'm a horrible friend
I'm a horrible student
I never do what i want to do
I don't know how to put all my thoughts into words
I don't lead my councillors properly
I set a bad example by being me
I'm forgetful
I'm too emotional
I possess no self control
I'm selfish
I'm ungrateful
I'm ugly
I'm scared of something I shouldn't be scared of
I can't sleep properly
I don't know how to manage my time
I'm a horrible elder sis
I'm a horrible daughter
I'm a horrible grandaughter
I have a bent back
I'm tall
I'm clumsy
i have lousy grades
I can't look people in the eye
I'm fearful
I'm messy
I'm sloppy
I'm lethargic half the time
I annoy people
I annoy myself
I'm a source of irritation
I have no purpose to be on this Earth
I was born
I lived up to this age
I trust others too much
I've been betrayed so many times
I always have an answer to my questions but i forget it in half a minute
I'm a distraction to others
I attract alot of attention wherever i go
I have so many friends who trust me but i can't trust myself
I have a horrible name
I play horrible music
I sin so much
But most of all...I hate myself because...
I'M NOT PERFECT
self hatred...making my temptations stronger...resistance is futile...so why resist...give in to your temptations...just like i am about to soon...very soon
3/25/2004 08:36:00 ap.