I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
maanantaina, maaliskuuta 01, 2004
must i care, must i care...i thought i could trust you...i thought i could believe in you...for i look up to you in so many ways..yet, you dissapoint me...in more ways then one...how could you....i'm so tired of trusting...and getting nothing in return....but my trust not honoured...and my time taken away...and my hopes dashed...
i thought i could let go...but you told me not to take my anger out on 'us'...may i know who 'us' is...because i wasn't angry, jus not in the sweetest of moods...but you made me angry...you made me cry...because just that moment i realised how unfair my 'friend' is towards me...you take things out on me so often...but just this once, i chose not to hide my anger...and i'm accused...accused of something that i though you would never accuse me of...of taking my anger out on you...
was it fair...that i gave up that time for you...that i waited and waited...and you didn't even tell me beforehand that you had something to do...you told me 15 minutes before...why...and laughter...i'm angry, i'm fuming...for you've just proven how much i can trust my friends...never ever will i trust them again...for you've spoken for all of them...every single one...thank you friend...for proving to me...for showing me...for enlightening me...
so, any of you others want to appeal for my trust...i can't, i can't...because of one single person...that one glitch...i can't trust...i'm tired of being a friend...or being a slave...of being everything...of beign alive...every breath seems laboured...because it takes so much effort to keep myself sane...to keep myself from doin 'silly' things...are they so silly...i don't find them so...maybe thats because i'm just so tired...so very tired...
3/01/2004 10:35:00 ap.