I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
lauantaina, maaliskuuta 13, 2004
Lost contact
i blocked all my contact on MSN...ok lar, almost all...everyone except a few whom i shall not mention...
this letter i received..it came as a surprise...but when i opened it up it made me mad...deception...you think you can convince me...think again...no, my problem ain't simple...cuz it got nothin to do with you...just myself...not to be perfect...impossible...i can ONLY accept perfection...nothing less...
you tried to deceive me...don't think that i don't know who you are...don't think i know this is a desperate attempt to hold me back...its made me even more angry...i feel tempted to hurt myself...but the agreement...its holding me back...these wild feelings are in a cage...waiting to spring out...like spirits waiting for night to come...
a spark lit my flame...and its blazing now...out of control...i can't make that call...i'm against bothering that person...its freezing in the room we are in together...can't you sense the animosity...hostility...its there...like a wall between us...and its all because of you...
and the sunshine...it refuses to shine on me again..ignoring my calls...ignoring me...because of a simple word called jealousy...all i did was to talk to someone besides you...because i didn't want to hurt you...and you think i want to leave you...i don't...i can't bear to leave you...like a star trying to leave the sky...to me you are the sunshine...to you, i'm the moon...yes, we may not meet always...but we need to co exist, or the both of us won't exist at all...and like a lunar and solar eclipse...when our hearts are together...we join as one...we leave others in awe...accept that, and shine on me once more...don't make it worse than it already is...please...
if only...
3/13/2004 04:57:00 ap.