I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, maaliskuuta 16, 2004
Irritation
i'm still so shaken...and hurt...and i wish i could just go for now i have nothing...
no one can help me now...not even my bestest friends...or the people that i trust...you know who you are...and i'm referring to you...because you told me you can't help me...i know now...you can't...i'm just holding on for your sake...
guess what...the jealousy came about because of you...because i chose not to break the other's heart...and chose to trust you...and so now...i have nothing left...
i saw you today...yes...and you gave me a huge grin...not a smile...i call that a grin...somehow...it confused me more...
i wish that my friend...the one far away...was here...to talk to me...and just sit in silence together...for i know, he knows what it feels like...
i have to go out with Eileena tml...well...i'll talk to her instead i guess...but it won't be the same as talking to that friend...i'll call him lonesome for now...well...lonesome...i miss you...and wish that i'd see you soon...be the way...send me the pics we took that day ya...and in case you get thigns wrong...no...i don't wish to go out with ya...just talk...like that day...
i hate the word kids...its really disrespectful...i don't mind kiddos...but kids? no...i dun even call my councillors kids...no matter how much trouble they give me...and how irritated i get with them...or even when they show me attitude...i NEVER call them kids...NEVER...so i hated it today when Mr Masri called us kids...whats more it was a bad practice...and so many accusations towards my section...i tried my best...pls acknowledge that...but i never like being called a kid...if you want me to work...i can show you...i have worked...i know i sound diff frm months before...yes...and its because of you and your hard work...i acknowledge that...as well as mr chew's of course...thanks mr chew...but NEVER EVER call me or any part of my section the K word...it shows you take us lightly and don't consider us important...really...
i feel angry...hurt...sad...every negative emotion right now...how will i go on?
3/16/2004 10:16:00 ap.