I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
keskiviikkona, maaliskuuta 10, 2004
i'm confused...totaly confused and lost...and also angry, because well...ppl are making comments without knowing the full story...
one tells me not to suppress my emotions...
another tells me i'm an attention seeker...
one tells me to keep everything to myself...
another tells me i have to tell everything to others...
one tells me that its not healthy to put up a false front...
another tells me that if i don't put up a false front, i'm only causing others to be worried...
if i follow one, i'll get slammed by the other...
i used to trust, but i get so many different signals at one shot now, i find i can't trust anymore...
not anyone, but myself...
sadness...well, one is because of someone who apparently can't be bothered with me anymore...but i have no sadness other than that...
feeling down, another thing all together...
you know what, i'm sick of always having to explain myself...
i've explained countless times, but NO ONE ever gets the right meaning, and if one actaully does, the person NEVER tells me...
so get the picture now?
yes, i know there are people trying to push me in another direction...
PUSH...i don't appreciate the PUSH part...
but the CARING part...i appreciate it...definitely...
I've even told kc before, i NEVER ask for care, so its up to you whether you want to or not...preferebly NOT...
are you ppl out there happy now? happy that you managed to abbuse me again....i've been accused countless times before, but never in this manner...and it hurts...ALOT...so heck...i can't be bothered with you ppl anymore...you got your explanation, and thats all i'll give ANYMORE...may you have a nice life...
3/10/2004 01:22:00 ip.