I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, maaliskuuta 09, 2004
i feel worse...much, much worse...
i wept last night...wept like i've never wept before...and i still found no comfort when i cried...so i broke my promise twice over...i should have never made that promise...because i should have known then like i know now...i will never ever be able to keep that promise...and since i did make it...its been on my conscience...nagging at me...making me feel worse...
it got worse at school...look, Alvin, i'm really sorry...i just can't talk to anyone anymore...and its not just you...and its not that i don't appreciate what you did...but i just can't...and i can't explain myself right now...remember this?
impermanence.temptation.void.[oakley][single] : i already gave my best in helpin u but seems as if to no avail
»«§áràh»« silent cries : gosh...now i dunno what to say...just that i know you are trying your best to help me...and have been a tremendous help and that i appreciate it...and that i thought that you actually were able to see that
impermanence.temptation.void.[oakley][single] : seriously i felt as if i'm doing nth much..juz lending u a listening ear..accompanying u to see the counsellor to not make u feel uneasy with that guy alone..
I told you i appreciate you...and i meant it....and you know what i said after that...i don't think there's a need to remind you any further...just don't be angry with me okay...not now...if i could explain, i would...but i can't...and if you are angry with me now...i dunno what to do but cry more...please...
Perfection...craving it once more
3/09/2004 09:40:00 ap.