I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
maanantaina, maaliskuuta 15, 2004
Drowning
I'm drowning in my pool of tears...
I cry for you but you do not hear...
My silent cries won't solve a thing...
For even if they weren't silent...
You wouldn't hear them...
I kept the things from you to keep you safe...so that you won't be hurt...so that you won't be heartbroken...but, i got this in return...its sad...it hurts...it took me so much effort to make sure you weren't hurt...that you're heart wouldn't shatter and have flaws...bcos even if i took the pieces up and glued them back together, there would still be cracks...yet...it took you so little effort to leave me...i know, you ask because you care...but i keep things from you because i care as well...and jealousy ...just because i tell someone else besides you...thats utterly ridiculous...because there's no room inside there for anyone but you...you just made it worse...
Agreement...i shouldn't have signed it...no, i didn't break it...or tear it up...but i have a few more days before i'm free...i just have to endure for awhile...its pretty much suffocating me now...
kept out of the house todae...to stop myself from thinking...to distract myself..kinda worked...i came home late,and i'm exhausted...yea...so i won't tonight...besides, i got prac tml...and a hug to claim frm min min...that sweet sotong...love ya dear...
I'm crushed...coz you keep a part of my heart...and i can never claim it back
3/15/2004 11:35:00 ap.