I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
maanantaina, helmikuuta 09, 2004
joy? there is no joy for me...sayang...i can't tell you just how much i love you in words...but even you can't help me...i feel so depressed...stressed...definitely...lonely...not likely..hurt...i think so...suicidal..yesh...i admit i am...
tell me why i think i feel happy all the time...i do know for wure i am not...but does laughter hide pain...i can say it does hide my pain...from the outside...the inside is still a raw wound...that stings...and hasn't been covered...i have not healed...sayang...make it go away...
is love worth it....even love can't help me swallow my fears...love for my friends...love for my family...love for you, sayang...a wound so old still smarts so bad...as if i was just over that ordeal...not the 726 one...but something else...
weird dreamz...do they count...premonitions...and as my friends say tat i mulut masin is not fun...to have recurring dreamz is not fun either...esp when they are nightmares...like that of A...seldom do i have nice dreamz...i rephrase that...very seldom...why...why is it that i can be so confident of myself when facing any other person...but when someone just wants me to tell something to A for them, i start sobbing uncontrollably?
why issit that i have to face ppl who don't accept my choices? was it so wrong that i couldn't accept the post...i did think it over...and i don't regret my choice...its just that i can't take the despise ppl show me when they remind me of how i was SUPPOSED to be on the committee...
sayang...i really do love you...with all my heart, i do...can you forgive me if i leave before you do? will you still remember me...and love me for who i was...can you forgive me?...i will if i were you...and i will wait for you...love you darling...sleep well...
2/09/2004 12:59:00 ip.