I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
sunnuntai, tammikuuta 18, 2004
i need to swallow this pain...its hurtin more and more...and i wish it just went away...leave me alone like it did durin the hols...why did it have to come back...and make me feel so down, and troubled...
i talked to huda abt it...my dear senior...and she said that she thinks i should talk to that person..i cannot keep btw myself and the other 2 ppl...bcos he's also involved...but i can't bring myself to do it...i can't even bring myself to stay nearby...just very far away...to ignore..its been goin on for too long...kebiasaan...
i spent lyke the whole nite debatin what i should do...with myself...this internal debate has gone on too long...but i know it will go on even longer if i don't do something...it might even become worse it it spreads...what then?
but yet...it hurts even more to confront...and to talk it out...for i have buried everything in my heart...blocked it out...so i thought...but just that simple acronym my friend uttered yesterday...brought it all back...and scared me to death...there is no way this can continue...
and then comes the issue of which of my friends to trust...i can't just decide like this...and i can't no decide either...bcos if i don't then what will happen if he continues to do what he did...i'm in a dilemma...
yes, my eyes sting with the thought of the coming events...what will i do...
1/18/2004 03:06:00 ap.